What happened to Hannah Montana and that girl from the Amanda Show????

So I have sick the past couple weeks.  Unfortunately, one of the consequences of a compromised immune system is those pesky illnesses hang around forever!  I have watched a lot of movies and surfed a great deal of internet while I was on the mend.  Here are my thoughts:

1. I know I am going to upset some boats here, but what is the fascination with Duck Dynasty?  I have watched it and they seem like genuinely nice people.  But watching a show about them?  I don't get it.  But I feel that way about most reality TV.  I miss sitcoms and movies of the week.  If I want "reality", there is Dateline and 48 Hours.  I don't really see Duck Dynasty or The Kardashians as being my "reality".  And I am not slamming the K's.  I actually met Khloe and she was a sweet woman.  I just don't understand.
2. Amanda Bynes....thank God she seems to be in a place where she is getting help!  She was such a wonderful young lady with amazing comedic talent.  To see where she was and where she is now, I am so thankful she is getting help. 
3. Miley Cyrus....Oh Hannah Montana...where have you gone?  I saw on some website that her fiance had left her.  Her twitter is almost as bizarre as Amanda Bynes.  But the MTV VMA's, I am not sure what to say.  Her mom was there, cheering her on.  I guess she is fighting Dina Lohan as Mother of the Year now.  Good old Billy Ray was absent and I think I know why.  You would some serious therapy after seeing your daughter doing THAT!

It lead me to think about mental illness.  Amanda and Miley, both in their early twenties, are clearly in crisis.  So many mental disorders show themselves in this time period.  Thankfully, Amanda has parents (not in the business) who are trying to help her.  But Miley, well, her parents are pretty much train wrecks themselves.  I think we all need to really send up a prayer for these young girls.  

I think parents underestimate their life choices and how much they influence their children.  Watching Mom and Dad break up, file for divorce and then bounce back together is hard.  Watching a parent jump from one relationship to the next makes kids not trust their parents and relationships in general.  All of these things, we need to shelter our kids from.

And that isn't just for celebrities.  Being a parents is a full time role.  Every decision and choice you make is being absorbed by your children.  If you don't want your kids to curse, don't do it yourself.  Telling your kids to not smoke while you are lighting one up isn't a great parenting method.  Dragging your kids through your relationships (the good, the bad and ugly) is dangerous.  You are bringing a person into your kids lives and they try to bond and make it work.  Then suddenly they are gone.  It teaches your kids not to invest or trust into others.  The older they get, the more important this is.  

Let's grow children who are confident and positive.  To do that, we have to be confident and positive ourselves.

Back to School!

As always, back to school time is a mixed bag of emotions for me.  On one hand, after two months of five kids home every day, I look forward to my days of quiet again.  But on the other hand, it means they won't be here anymore.  I know, a contradiction.  I loved the summer with the kids.  I think I cherished it a little more because next summer, I will be sending off our first to college.  (Oh no, I am tearing up again!)

Back to school means another thing I don't look forward to:  being broke!  We spread it out and it isn't so bad.  But we have five pair of feet that need new shoes.  We have five backpacks to fill.  And, of course, everyone wants new clothes!  So we spread it out and it makes things a little easier.

Today, we were talking new shoes and I am so happy that the kids are wanting to replace the Osiris shoes!  No offense to the makers of these shoes, but they are U-G-L-Y!  Now, I am 40 so this may have a little something to do with my opinion of these atrocious shoes, but it is what it is.  I was telling the kids how every generation has some fashion they will look back at and think, "What was I thinking???" and I am sure that Osiris shoes will be one of those things.

That, of course, lead to the question of what was the shoes that I now think were absurd.  Hands down, JELLY SHOES!  You remember them...they were made of plastic and made in a variety of colors and styles.  You would wear them and they tore the flesh off your feet, but we wore them anyway.  And if you were outside long, when you took them off, you had the pattern of the shoe on your feet thanks to the dirt that seeped through the holes.  Jelly shoes were horrible, looking back.

This also lead to the conversation of name brands.  One of our sons said he wanted a pair of Toms.  My poor clueless husband asked, "Do they have to be that brand?"  The look was priceless.  For me, it was Pasta clothes.  That was the "in" thing.  (Looking back, they were awful colors, awful patterns and awful material, but man, girls my age loved it!)  I remember my mom saying the same thing and I am pretty sure I gave her the same look.

It is so funny when I remember those things.  It really makes me appreciate my mom even more!  One day, my kids will be calling me and telling me that my grandkids want some lime green moon shoes and I will remind them of their love of Osiris'.

Colds are for Winter!

I have been fighting this cold for three days.  It was a wonderful gift from our youngest.  He got it in the form of some sniffles for a day or two.  Me, well, I am a go-getter!  Thanks to a suppressed immune system, I have a full-blown, runny nose, horrific cough, fever and all-over body aches and pains.  I have been wrapped up in jammies and blankets for two days straight and I feel worse every day.  I guess a visit to the doc will be in order come Monday if I don't feel better.

Summer colds are the worst.  You want to curl up in a blanket when you are sick, but unless I crank the air to 60 degrees and freeze my family, I am too warm to curl up in a blanket.  I want to wear my fuzzy jammies, but it is too warm.  And the warm air outside makes me feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest so I am stuck inside with no fresh air.

So I have had a lot of idle time on my hands.  I was thinking about being sick a kid.  Mom would make you a comfy pillow bed on the couch and bring me 7-Up and Chicken and Stars soup.  And Oreos....those are my comfort food when I am sick too.  She would put cool wash clothes on my forehead.  I had a pretty great mom.  She lives in North Carolina with my sister and sweetheart niece.  Normally, I am super happy that my niece is getting the attention that my kids did when they were little from my Mom, but today, I am whiny and sick and I want my Mommy :)

Why is it, when we are sick, we want our Mommy?  My kids do the same.  Is it because we think our Mom's have magic powers?  Or is it because we just know, no matter what, they will take care of us?

I was looking for the Vick's Vapor Rub a little bit ago and I couldn't find it and I am home alone and realized I was sobbing.  My chest hurts.  My head hurts.  I have those wobbly giraffe legs that make you feel all woozy.  And what was I sobbing?  I want my Mom.

Now, I have the next best thing because my hubby, he is masterful at taking care of me when I am sick.  So there is no disrespect intended to his efforts, but I am 40 years old and realize that, when I am sick, I turn 4!  Hopefully, another good night sleep and some Nyquil and Vapor Rub will help me turn the corner and I will revert back to my 40 year old self.  If not, send good thoughts my husband's way!

Witty Comeback, Oh How I Love Thee!

As I mentioned before, I am a bit of a smarty pants.  Sarcasm is a family trait and it sure didn't skip me.  Normally, they are pretty bland and not mean-spirited.  But there are times, there are some zingers, usually in my head, that I have to immediately have a conversation with God about.

When you are in a blender family, like us, you are dealing with three houses:  my ex-husband, his ex-wife and ours.  When those ex-spouses are in relationships or remarried, you are dealing with more personalities.  Sometimes, it is hard.  Sometimes, it flows with no problem.  I don't think I am telling anyone anything they haven't heard before.  We have a blanket rule in our house of "no bad-mouthing" when it comes to our ex-spouses.  In our room, with the door closed, we can vent, but in front of the kids, hands off.  We even have a "code word" we say to let each other know we are maybe letting our emotions get the best of us and we need to step back.

Lately, that code word has been thrown around a great deal.  A few of our kids are going through some really hard times with another family member.  It is hard to sit and hold it in when this other family member blames the kids and me and my husband for all the problems that are going on.  I have said, "Hopefully, they will come around" so many times, even I think it sounds a little pathetic that the eye roll I get when I try to be optimistic is probably a little warranted.

People get mad at each other.  It happens.  My kids get mad at me.  I get mad at them.  But, in this house, we talk it out.  I will look one of the kids in the eye and say, "Give it to me...you can say whatever and I promise, I will not get mad".  And I own that.  I let them say whatever is on their mind and get it out.  Then, we can talk about what is going on on.  They are KIDS.  They are still learning to vocalize and communicate.  Part of our job, as parents, is to be open to their thoughts and opinions.  I am not saying they are always right or I am always right, but step one in this process is LISTEN.

And I do.  As they talk, I am not, in my head, thinking of my comeback.  Instead, I am looking them in their eyes and listening.  You see, the non-verbal communication is very important.  I can look at any of our five combined kids and I can tell when they are lying or when something is really important to them.  I can tell by the way the next to the oldest stands whether he is happy or upset.  The next to the youngest, I can tell by the look on his face exactly what he is feeling because he wears his heart on his sleeve.  The oldest, he is most like his momma in the aspect that he will argue the moon is made of blue cheese.  But he does it respectfully.  But when he is really upset, his eyes are the window to his soul.  You can read it in his eyes.  Our "middle" child...well, it is all about his hands.  And the youngest, well, he is the easiest.  His eyes shift when he lies and, if he has a secret, he giggles and when he is dying to tell me something, he literally will jump up and down.  So, it is not about just what they say to me.  I get as much from their body language as I do their words.

I just know our kids.  I am a people watcher by nature, so, of course, I have spent their lives watching them.  Now, back to my problem...when they hurt, I hurt.  And when someone hurts them on purpose, doing something they know will hurt them, it is so hard for me to contain my anger.  Momma Bear mode kicks in and all those zingers I don't normally say, well, sometimes they escape my brain, travel the neuro-highway to my mouth and I erupt like the homemade volcano the kids made for the science fair a few years back.

Now, given that Mom doesn't usually do that, it is usually met with a little bit of laughter from the family, because it is pretty out of character for me.  And, once the moment has passed, I always apologize.  It is completely wrong for me to say anything out of line about another family member.  And 99.9% of the time, it is not even a chore for me to keep it in.  It is just when they are hurt and the hurt is done intentionally.

It is something I am working on.  I am practicing a very simple principal:  STOP.  LISTEN.  PRAY.  Note, nowhere in there is the word "speak".  It is important that the kids know they can talk about anything.  So, when I feel it bubbling up, I now STOP.  Take a deep breath.  Continue to LISTEN.  And then simply give it over to God.  Let the anger or frustration just roll out and PRAY.

I am flawed and I am sure this will take time, just like every positive change I have ever made in my life.  But I have five very good reasons to do it and they all call me "Mom".

I promise to keep the zingers to myself.  Mmmm...Zingers...do they still make those?

When your kids birthdays depress you just a little bit....

Today, our youngest (of our blender family) is 12.  TWELVE?!?!  Is that possible?  As I always do, I posted a "throwback" picture of him on his Facebook wall.  I do this to all the kids.  They think it is funny, but the truth is, this is how I still see them sometimes.  I know he is twelve.  My brain tells me he is almost a teenager.  He will be in middle school this year.  But sometimes, when I look at him, he is still the adorable little 13 month old I met when my husband and I were dating.  He has the same big blue eyes and a smile that could melt the Grinch's heart.  Cindy Lou Who don't have nothing on his smile.

And this isn't the first birthday blues...I did it for our oldest when he hit 16.  (WARNING:  In September, when he turns 18, there may be a video blog of just me sobbing!)  I think it is the worst with the oldest and the youngest.  It is like my oldest hits all the milestones first and the youngest is hitting them last. 

We are lucky and blessed, for sure.  I mean, our kids are good kids.  He is twelve and he asked for Nerf guns.  There are twelve year olds in our community out vandalizing and breaking laws and he is still just a kid doing normal kid stuff.  He wants pizza for his birthday dinner out and a chocolate cake.  He is a pretty great kid.

So to shake my blues, I decided to get out some pictures and look through them.  I know, you are shaking your head at me and thinking, "What is she thinking?"  That is when I came across the first Mother's Day card he made me in first grade.  Yep....the tears started flowing.  Especially when I got to the part where he said he is glad Dad chose me to his stepmom.  Because just a few days ago, he told me that again. 

You know what buddy, I am pretty glad too!  Happy birthday to my fantastic kiddo!  He will always be that mischievious little toddler who tried to blow out the unity candle as we (me, my husband and all five kids) were lighting it!  And I would not change a thing about him!

What is your favorite Superhero?

I am a huge comic book nerd.  So is my husband.  So are most of my kids.  I was reading one of my favorites, Jupiter's Legacy (new book from Mark Millar....excellent!), and I got to thinking about who my favorite superhero has to be.

I realized I have a couple.

• In life, my superhero is God.  There is no more powerful or benevolent being in my life.  The feelings and wonders that amaze me every day are proof of His power and love.
• In my home, it is my husband.  He has powers that are unbelievable.  He can find the missing sock I have been looking for forever.  My husband can walk in and find that can of peas I have standing there looking for and couldn't see.  He can find my keys, sunglasses, shoes, purse, debit card....even after I have spent hours looking.  He knows me better than I do.
• In the movies, my superhero is Thor.  I have always loved the story of Thor, from a mythology standpoint.  And, in Adventures in Babysitting, I loved the whole "Thor" part, in which Vincent D'Onofrio plays Thor.  But I LOOOOOOOOVED the Marvel movie, Thor!  LOVED it!
• In comic books, my favorite superhero is Scooby Doo.  I love Scooby Doo.  NOW...I understand that some may not consider Scooby Doo a superhero, but I would fight that.

You see, Scooby Doo always fought the bad guys.  And he always won.  He is friends with Batman and the Globe Trotters and Casey Kasem.  He is legendary!  And, in the end, the monsters were not as bad as we originally thought and everyone always got a Scooby Snack.

Don't you wish life was that way?  But isn't it?  Think about the monsters in life?  The bad guys...they are really just broken people who do bad things.  If we break it down to that, we can take the power they have for making us hurt and live in misery away.  They are just people and they do not have any special powers we don't.  The power they have to hurt us...we give them.

We just have to pull the mask off.  And don't forget your Scooby Snack!

Things are going to get interesting....

I am a foodie.  I make no bones about it.  Prior to this silly illness that makes me as clumsy and uncoordinated as a baby giraffe, I used to cook like a crazy person.  I still want to cooik, and thanks to my fantastic kids who help me in the kitchen, I still get to indulge in that passion of creating amazing food.

Alas, over the years, I have packed on some poundage.  I have lost some, but let's face it, when you are dealing with a chronic illness like I am, anything you can do to make your body healthier is a bonus.  So, after much research and talking with my doctors, I am taking the leap.  I am a researcher.  For me, specific instructions are necessary when taking on a new venture.  I always hated those jobs where you apply for a specific position and then it is come in and learn trial by fire.  I want training.  I want information.  So why would I approach this any different?

I took the advice from the doctor, as my cholesterol is high and mine may actually be caused by heredity more than diet, and upon learning my biological kids are trending like I did, I knew that we needed to eliminate unhealthy carbs and fat and sugar.  I am not a huge fan of the "low carb" diets, like Atkins.  But I found a "slow carb" diet.  It is a diet I think I can do.  I am pretty realistic in my abilities and weaknesses.  Potatoes...how I love thee!  But this diet feeds into my other loves:  vegetables and protein.  I eat two scrambled egg whites every morning already.  There is only one person I would leave my beloved husband for and that is probably an avocado farmer!  So I am going to give it a try.  I didn't find much "negative" press on it.  And there is no weird fasting or cleanses you have to do.  (FYI...when someone tells me to cleanse, I get really weirded out!)  It is basically what my doctor has told us to do.  Cut bad carbs, which are white carbs, cut out fats that are not good for you and cut out sugar.

PLUS....and this is a big plus, one day a week is an "anything goes" day.  Basically, in the description, it keeps your metabolism from stalling, plus, all those foods you crave and normally take you off the wagon...have them.  Go for it.  That is huge for me.

So, here we go.  Dear Blog...I will keep you in the loop on how it goes.  Like I said before, I love my taters!  That will be the hardest part for me.  My splurge day will probably be potato-heavy!

I would like, in advance, to give a huge shout-out to my hubby, Dave.  You see, detoxing me off potatoes will be painful.  I fully expect to be grumpy and volatile for a couple days.  I love you, baby!  I promise the crazy will wear off once I am used to it.  Well, as much of the crazy as can wear off.  You are stuck with a little crazy!

If you want to check it out, here is the link:  http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2007/04/06/how-to-lose-20-lbs-of-fat-in-30-days-without-doing-any-exercise/

The Devils Tears

So, the other day, I was out and about with one of my kiddos and we stopped for lunch.  He asked if he could try the new Bacon Habanero Quarter Pounder and I said okay.  We got it to go and little later, I look back and his face is red.  He was literally burning up from the hot factor.  I stopped and got him a milk and it helped quiet it down.  There was a TON of hot sauce on the burger.  Well played, McD's worker...well played!

As he was choking, I said to him, "Are you okay?"  And his reply, "I think this is made with the Devil's Tears."  This caused me to nearly choke from laughing.  It is amazing what our kids say to us.  I sometimes think if I wrote it all down, I would have a best-seller!

But sometimes, the things they say are not quite as cute.  On the flip side, another one of my kiddos had spent the previous evening with other family members.  When he came in the next morning, he told me he had a funny story to tell me.  He proceeded to tell me a story about a large woman, who was not very nicely dressed, who came into the restaurant they were eating at and how the adults he was with were making fun of her.  He is laughing hysterically as he conveys the stories to me and as my smile fades, he realizes something is wrong.  He tells me they were laughing until they were crying.  I guess these are the Devil's Tears too?

I ask him, "Why is that funny?"  And he sat there and said, "I guess it isn't".  He then said that, for once, one of these family members, who really picks on my son, didn't pick on him and acted like he liked him for laughing along.

I sat there, looking at his sweet face, saddened by what he was telling me.  This child is a very sweet child.  He has a kind heart and is the kid that always wants to make someone feel better.  But he betrayed who was to make another adult in his life happy.

It is a lesson we try to teach our kids, to be strong and not succumb to peer pressure.  But what do you do when it isn't a peer, but a person who should be a role model and be in a position of authority?  The child looks to the adult around them for behavior cues.  It is confusing when those adults are mean-spirited and immature.

In the end, he understands why it was wrong and I understand why he did it.  It was a lesson for us both.  He is still my sweet child and I believe his heart is good and even though these influences are there, he will grow into the amazing man I know he will be.

I guess maybe there are many kinds of Devil's Tears.

Are the colors in your world pretty?

So, my therapist says I need an outlet for my "energy" and suggested a blog.  A blog...a place for me to put my thoughts out there for the world to comment on.  Yeah, sounds like a plan for the person with an anxiety disorder...lol!

Well here goes.  What is on my mind today?  Well, remember when you were little and you got in a fight with your sibling and your parents woulds say, "There are two sides to every story and then the truth"?  Well, I have been thinking about this a great deal the past few days.  I mean, I have five kids in my house.  I know first hand that an event can happen and I will get five different versions of the same event.  Our lives color the way we see things.  It is part of being human.  I accept that.  That is why it is important to communicate.  We have drilled into our kids this very moral lesson.  Your side is not the only side.  I practice it in my life.

But what do you do when you are dealing with someone who lives in that "my way or the highway" life?  How do you deal with with someone who refuses to accept any blame in disagreements or conflict?  It is so frustrating.  It is bang your head on a wall, stomp your feet and scream frustrating.  You are willing to take your own blame in the conflict but you are dealing with a person who basically says, "It is all your fault".

Granted, I would love to know what it is like to be perfect.  I mean, when you are saying "it is all your fault", you are, in fact, saying your are 100% blameless....a vision of perfection.  Now, as a Christian, I know I am not perfect or blameless in life.  We try to live our lives in the image of Christ, but we fall short, no matter how hard we try.  So, when I am dealing with someone like this, all I want to say is, "Please, tell me about life as a perfect specimen of the human race!"  <Yes, sarcasm is a family trait....love you, Dad!>

What I know as fact is this:  disagreements happen...people in your life will hurt you, sometimes badly....we will be disappointed in our children's choices sometimes....we will be disappointed in our own choices sometimes.  But I have yet to see a situation where there is discord that there was one person holding all the blame and one person who was blameless.  We all contribute.  The person most wrong is the one who refuses to own their part in the discord.  The person most wrong is the one who blames everyone else for their faults.  The person with the most blame...well that is undoubtedly the one who is going around saying "it is their fault".

I mess up....daily.  The best lesson I have taught my children is probably when I tell them "I'm Sorry!".  I don't always make the right decisions, but I own them.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't, upon reflection, see a place where I could have been better....a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend...but mostly, a better Christian.

So, all of you "perfect people", I am sorry the rest of us humans disappoint you so.

Sincerely,
A very flawed and imperfect person