What happened to Hannah Montana and that girl from the Amanda Show????

So I have sick the past couple weeks.  Unfortunately, one of the consequences of a compromised immune system is those pesky illnesses hang around forever!  I have watched a lot of movies and surfed a great deal of internet while I was on the mend.  Here are my thoughts:

1. I know I am going to upset some boats here, but what is the fascination with Duck Dynasty?  I have watched it and they seem like genuinely nice people.  But watching a show about them?  I don't get it.  But I feel that way about most reality TV.  I miss sitcoms and movies of the week.  If I want "reality", there is Dateline and 48 Hours.  I don't really see Duck Dynasty or The Kardashians as being my "reality".  And I am not slamming the K's.  I actually met Khloe and she was a sweet woman.  I just don't understand.
2. Amanda Bynes....thank God she seems to be in a place where she is getting help!  She was such a wonderful young lady with amazing comedic talent.  To see where she was and where she is now, I am so thankful she is getting help. 
3. Miley Cyrus....Oh Hannah Montana...where have you gone?  I saw on some website that her fiance had left her.  Her twitter is almost as bizarre as Amanda Bynes.  But the MTV VMA's, I am not sure what to say.  Her mom was there, cheering her on.  I guess she is fighting Dina Lohan as Mother of the Year now.  Good old Billy Ray was absent and I think I know why.  You would some serious therapy after seeing your daughter doing THAT!

It lead me to think about mental illness.  Amanda and Miley, both in their early twenties, are clearly in crisis.  So many mental disorders show themselves in this time period.  Thankfully, Amanda has parents (not in the business) who are trying to help her.  But Miley, well, her parents are pretty much train wrecks themselves.  I think we all need to really send up a prayer for these young girls.  

I think parents underestimate their life choices and how much they influence their children.  Watching Mom and Dad break up, file for divorce and then bounce back together is hard.  Watching a parent jump from one relationship to the next makes kids not trust their parents and relationships in general.  All of these things, we need to shelter our kids from.

And that isn't just for celebrities.  Being a parents is a full time role.  Every decision and choice you make is being absorbed by your children.  If you don't want your kids to curse, don't do it yourself.  Telling your kids to not smoke while you are lighting one up isn't a great parenting method.  Dragging your kids through your relationships (the good, the bad and ugly) is dangerous.  You are bringing a person into your kids lives and they try to bond and make it work.  Then suddenly they are gone.  It teaches your kids not to invest or trust into others.  The older they get, the more important this is.  

Let's grow children who are confident and positive.  To do that, we have to be confident and positive ourselves.

Back to School!

As always, back to school time is a mixed bag of emotions for me.  On one hand, after two months of five kids home every day, I look forward to my days of quiet again.  But on the other hand, it means they won't be here anymore.  I know, a contradiction.  I loved the summer with the kids.  I think I cherished it a little more because next summer, I will be sending off our first to college.  (Oh no, I am tearing up again!)

Back to school means another thing I don't look forward to:  being broke!  We spread it out and it isn't so bad.  But we have five pair of feet that need new shoes.  We have five backpacks to fill.  And, of course, everyone wants new clothes!  So we spread it out and it makes things a little easier.

Today, we were talking new shoes and I am so happy that the kids are wanting to replace the Osiris shoes!  No offense to the makers of these shoes, but they are U-G-L-Y!  Now, I am 40 so this may have a little something to do with my opinion of these atrocious shoes, but it is what it is.  I was telling the kids how every generation has some fashion they will look back at and think, "What was I thinking???" and I am sure that Osiris shoes will be one of those things.

That, of course, lead to the question of what was the shoes that I now think were absurd.  Hands down, JELLY SHOES!  You remember them...they were made of plastic and made in a variety of colors and styles.  You would wear them and they tore the flesh off your feet, but we wore them anyway.  And if you were outside long, when you took them off, you had the pattern of the shoe on your feet thanks to the dirt that seeped through the holes.  Jelly shoes were horrible, looking back.

This also lead to the conversation of name brands.  One of our sons said he wanted a pair of Toms.  My poor clueless husband asked, "Do they have to be that brand?"  The look was priceless.  For me, it was Pasta clothes.  That was the "in" thing.  (Looking back, they were awful colors, awful patterns and awful material, but man, girls my age loved it!)  I remember my mom saying the same thing and I am pretty sure I gave her the same look.

It is so funny when I remember those things.  It really makes me appreciate my mom even more!  One day, my kids will be calling me and telling me that my grandkids want some lime green moon shoes and I will remind them of their love of Osiris'.

Colds are for Winter!

I have been fighting this cold for three days.  It was a wonderful gift from our youngest.  He got it in the form of some sniffles for a day or two.  Me, well, I am a go-getter!  Thanks to a suppressed immune system, I have a full-blown, runny nose, horrific cough, fever and all-over body aches and pains.  I have been wrapped up in jammies and blankets for two days straight and I feel worse every day.  I guess a visit to the doc will be in order come Monday if I don't feel better.

Summer colds are the worst.  You want to curl up in a blanket when you are sick, but unless I crank the air to 60 degrees and freeze my family, I am too warm to curl up in a blanket.  I want to wear my fuzzy jammies, but it is too warm.  And the warm air outside makes me feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest so I am stuck inside with no fresh air.

So I have had a lot of idle time on my hands.  I was thinking about being sick a kid.  Mom would make you a comfy pillow bed on the couch and bring me 7-Up and Chicken and Stars soup.  And Oreos....those are my comfort food when I am sick too.  She would put cool wash clothes on my forehead.  I had a pretty great mom.  She lives in North Carolina with my sister and sweetheart niece.  Normally, I am super happy that my niece is getting the attention that my kids did when they were little from my Mom, but today, I am whiny and sick and I want my Mommy :)

Why is it, when we are sick, we want our Mommy?  My kids do the same.  Is it because we think our Mom's have magic powers?  Or is it because we just know, no matter what, they will take care of us?

I was looking for the Vick's Vapor Rub a little bit ago and I couldn't find it and I am home alone and realized I was sobbing.  My chest hurts.  My head hurts.  I have those wobbly giraffe legs that make you feel all woozy.  And what was I sobbing?  I want my Mom.

Now, I have the next best thing because my hubby, he is masterful at taking care of me when I am sick.  So there is no disrespect intended to his efforts, but I am 40 years old and realize that, when I am sick, I turn 4!  Hopefully, another good night sleep and some Nyquil and Vapor Rub will help me turn the corner and I will revert back to my 40 year old self.  If not, send good thoughts my husband's way!

Witty Comeback, Oh How I Love Thee!

As I mentioned before, I am a bit of a smarty pants.  Sarcasm is a family trait and it sure didn't skip me.  Normally, they are pretty bland and not mean-spirited.  But there are times, there are some zingers, usually in my head, that I have to immediately have a conversation with God about.

When you are in a blender family, like us, you are dealing with three houses:  my ex-husband, his ex-wife and ours.  When those ex-spouses are in relationships or remarried, you are dealing with more personalities.  Sometimes, it is hard.  Sometimes, it flows with no problem.  I don't think I am telling anyone anything they haven't heard before.  We have a blanket rule in our house of "no bad-mouthing" when it comes to our ex-spouses.  In our room, with the door closed, we can vent, but in front of the kids, hands off.  We even have a "code word" we say to let each other know we are maybe letting our emotions get the best of us and we need to step back.

Lately, that code word has been thrown around a great deal.  A few of our kids are going through some really hard times with another family member.  It is hard to sit and hold it in when this other family member blames the kids and me and my husband for all the problems that are going on.  I have said, "Hopefully, they will come around" so many times, even I think it sounds a little pathetic that the eye roll I get when I try to be optimistic is probably a little warranted.

People get mad at each other.  It happens.  My kids get mad at me.  I get mad at them.  But, in this house, we talk it out.  I will look one of the kids in the eye and say, "Give it to me...you can say whatever and I promise, I will not get mad".  And I own that.  I let them say whatever is on their mind and get it out.  Then, we can talk about what is going on on.  They are KIDS.  They are still learning to vocalize and communicate.  Part of our job, as parents, is to be open to their thoughts and opinions.  I am not saying they are always right or I am always right, but step one in this process is LISTEN.

And I do.  As they talk, I am not, in my head, thinking of my comeback.  Instead, I am looking them in their eyes and listening.  You see, the non-verbal communication is very important.  I can look at any of our five combined kids and I can tell when they are lying or when something is really important to them.  I can tell by the way the next to the oldest stands whether he is happy or upset.  The next to the youngest, I can tell by the look on his face exactly what he is feeling because he wears his heart on his sleeve.  The oldest, he is most like his momma in the aspect that he will argue the moon is made of blue cheese.  But he does it respectfully.  But when he is really upset, his eyes are the window to his soul.  You can read it in his eyes.  Our "middle" child...well, it is all about his hands.  And the youngest, well, he is the easiest.  His eyes shift when he lies and, if he has a secret, he giggles and when he is dying to tell me something, he literally will jump up and down.  So, it is not about just what they say to me.  I get as much from their body language as I do their words.

I just know our kids.  I am a people watcher by nature, so, of course, I have spent their lives watching them.  Now, back to my problem...when they hurt, I hurt.  And when someone hurts them on purpose, doing something they know will hurt them, it is so hard for me to contain my anger.  Momma Bear mode kicks in and all those zingers I don't normally say, well, sometimes they escape my brain, travel the neuro-highway to my mouth and I erupt like the homemade volcano the kids made for the science fair a few years back.

Now, given that Mom doesn't usually do that, it is usually met with a little bit of laughter from the family, because it is pretty out of character for me.  And, once the moment has passed, I always apologize.  It is completely wrong for me to say anything out of line about another family member.  And 99.9% of the time, it is not even a chore for me to keep it in.  It is just when they are hurt and the hurt is done intentionally.

It is something I am working on.  I am practicing a very simple principal:  STOP.  LISTEN.  PRAY.  Note, nowhere in there is the word "speak".  It is important that the kids know they can talk about anything.  So, when I feel it bubbling up, I now STOP.  Take a deep breath.  Continue to LISTEN.  And then simply give it over to God.  Let the anger or frustration just roll out and PRAY.

I am flawed and I am sure this will take time, just like every positive change I have ever made in my life.  But I have five very good reasons to do it and they all call me "Mom".

I promise to keep the zingers to myself.  Mmmm...Zingers...do they still make those?